You often hear grandparents, or parents of older children say: ‘I can’t believe my daughter turns 32 in September’ or, ‘I can’t believe he’s going to be a teenager next week’; and it’s usually followed up with: ‘It’s all gone so fast, it seems like only yesterday they were starting school.’
These parents have noticed how quickly the time passes.
Yet when you’re a parent to an active 6 year old, or a 2 year old who has spent the day having tantrums, the time (till bed-time) seems to pass so s-l-o-w-l-y!
There’s a lot of fun to be had with babies and young children – hugging and smiling, reading books, playing with playdough, building towers, and ‘magic’ things like blowing bubbles or lying on the grass watching the clouds pass by. When this is happening, it’s such a beautiful feeling, and we are strengthening the bonds with our child/ren.
And then there’s the days where parenting feels like one hard slog! The toddler didn’t sleep well because they were teething, and the 4 year old is just in a cranky mood, the milk gets spilt, nobody wants to pick up the toys, and it’s raining for the third day in a row. I’m sure you’ve all had those days, where you keep glancing at the clock, willing it to go faster so it’s 7 pm and time for bed. These are when the days seem to last forever!
The reality is that those challenging days and the happy, smiling ones are all part of the parenthood journey (and the child’s journey too).
Parenting is a job, with emotion ties. When you work as a cleaner, or teacher, or mechanic, we do our work, and we get paid. When we work as parents – caring, teaching, loving, cleaning, driving etc the ‘pay’ comes in the form of emotional connection with your child – and some days there seems to be more (or less) of the pay!
So how do we enjoy this time before we are the ones saying: “I can’t believe he’s 10 already’?
The key is to enjoy the moment!
If it’s raining, put on rain coats and have a puddle splash time!
If they are in a cranky mood, remind yourself: ‘It’s not easy being two.’
If you are in a baking mood, get your 3 y.o to help stir, and if some of the mixture ends up on the floor, show them how to clean it up, rather than getting cranky.
If they ask you to ‘watch this Mummy’ as they show you something – really watch them – enjoy the moment.
If the baby is crying, think about how hard it is for them, when you can’t understand exactly what they need.
The more often we connect with out children, the more we can weather the storms on those tough days.
The reality is that even when children are being challenging, they are still loveable! If you doubt that statement… think about a life without them – that’s really hard to imagine, isn’t it? So often when you put that child to bed and they are asleep, we look at them again with love (whilst saying a silent ‘thank-you’ prayer that they are asleep!)
Being a parent gives you a chance to create a second childhood for yourself! Make it a magical one for you and your child, by having fun together and really enjoying this amazing person you helped to create, and whom you have the opportunity to share your wisdom with!
Have you ever had your child calling: “Mum, Mum, come and look at this.” You go and it’s a dead cricket. At that moment in time you have a choice to make…. To either engage in the moment with your child or to dismiss it/ them. You can either talk with them about what they’ve found, ask questions about what they think happened or what they think they should do with the cricket, thereby making it a time of learning, understanding and connection. Or, you can dismiss it with: “Its dead, leave it alone” or “Is that all, I was in the middle of doing dishes!”
One way helps the child feel connected with you, that you have time for them, and that what they have to say or show you is of value to you.
The other way – if said often enough- gives the message that you aren’t interested in what they like, and that dirty dishes are more important than them.
When my children were younger and we’d walk, I lost count of the number of rocks and pebbles collected by one child and each one had to be viewed by me, as if she’d just found gold. I also remember my daughter calling me to look at yet another jump she’d just come up with on the trampoline and wanted me to view – many times in a day, and if I resisted she’d say: ‘but Mum, this one’s special!’ When I did look - even if it didn’t seem any different to the last one, or last few I’d viewed – the magic was in her face – she beamed with pride over that jump…. That was the magic of the moment!
Every day we are given opportunities to connect with our children in a positive way, to build their sense of self-worth. The magic moments can be found anywhere and everywhere – in play together, in smiling and hugging, in laughing and doing silly things together, in noticing and commenting on what they are doing – magic is available anywhere!
It doesn’t come in the form of big expensive toys, but in the form of your connection with them when you play with those toys! So many parents have said to me that their child never plays with all the toys they have bought them. I can almost guarantee that if those parents played with the child with those same toys, there would be joy in the child’s eyes.
Magic is actually a willingness to give – to give your child the gift of your focussed time. Forget taking a photo of the moment and instead BE in the moment with them!
You can find magic in:
I know you all have dishes to do, washing to hang on the line and lawns to mow – but amid all the ‘work’ of parenting, find several of these magic moments each day!
You have the magic in you as a parent to make the magic smile and dance in your child’s eyes – it’s a choice we consciously make everytime they say; ‘Watch me, Dad!’
Happy ‘Magic Moments’!