So, you’ve recently had a baby. Congratulations!

You know when you started a new role at work, people understood that it would take you a little while to settle in, and there would be someone whom you could ask for help – a support person.

Mmmm not sure that always happens with Parenthood!

So, what can you do to make the first few weeks, or months much smoother so that you have a happy baby and Mum!

• Firstly, take any help that is offered, whether it is cooking meals, doing the washing, house cleaning or helping with shopping. This is a wonderful blessing and will allow you a little time to rest…. which is the second thing….

• Sleep or rest whenever you can. It’s normal for newborns to wake several times during the night for a feed, which means you get disrupted sleep. To reduce the chances of you feeling like a zombie for weeks, take a nap during the day when the baby does. Don’t just rest in front of the TV, actually lie down on the bed and sleep. Yes, there may be things you ‘need’ to do, but maybe every second day is catch up on sleep day. It can be done – especially if you are fortunate enough to have family or friends who can help out with household tasks.

• Take the time to learn about your new baby. As a first time parent it can be very daunting to be responsible for this little human, and to try and interpret their needs. The more you watch and listen to your baby the more you will start to feel confident in your parenting role. Remember too that when you were learning to drive a car, it took a fair bit of practice before it actually felt comfortable and you felt somewhat confident! If you don’t feel connected or are finding it difficult, seek help through your doctor or baby health nurse. Some situations can be readily helped with just a bit of professional advice. The Dunstan Baby Language can be a great way to help you interpret the sounds that your newborn makes for hunger, wind and tiredness. I’ve written about this previously -  https://theparentingcafe.com.au/dunstan-baby-language/

• Listen to all the advice you are given, from your Mum, your mother-in-law, the neighbor, Dr Phil on TV etc, as many of these people have great ideas which could work for you and bub. But ultimately it is you who decide what is best for your baby.

• Have a shower every day. It’s not about the hygiene but having a few minutes to shower and get dressed make you feel so much more able to manage because you are refreshed.

• When you are in a cooking mode, cook double quantities of meals which can be frozen eg bolognaise sauce or a chicken casserole. These can then be easily defrosted and heated on an evening when you are too tired to cook.

• Make sure you eat! Sounds obvious, but often we get so engrossed in the care of the baby and think: ‘I’ll eat when I’ve hung out the washing’, but then you get distracted and do another job. Making sure you are well fed and hydrated will make the day much better. This is especially so if you are breast feeding.

• If the baby’s Dad is in your life, then let them help too. Often as new Mums we can be like a protective lioness, and won’t let Dads help – often thinking they can’t do it as well as you. In fact, Dads can learn to do everything as well as you apart from breast feeding! So let them help and learn just as you are. It’s important too for the baby to get used to both parents and their individual way of doing things.

• And finally, if you are struggling, ask for help! Most people are willing to help if you just ask – tell them what you would like help with, and let them nurture you this way.

Happy New Parenting!

You know how great you feel after a good nights sleep… You smile more, you have the energy  to take on the day with enthusiasm, and you cope better if things don’t go well. Isn’t that what we want for our children too? Whilst we can’t make children sleep, we can create an environment that is conducive to sleep.

A good nights sleep assists the growth and development of a healthier body, a better concentration and attention span, improved strength and co-ordination, and more emotional balance.

A good nights sleep also makes the next day better for both parents and children!

It is important to establish good sleep routines early in a baby’s life, so that they quickly learn ‘how’ to go to sleep. It is even easier for the child to learn this, when the adults are consistent with the routine – regardless of whether it is Mum or Dad who are preparing the child for bed. When you follow the same routine each night, you establish a pattern in the child which gets them ready for sleep. Does it mean they will be happy about it – no, not necessarily! But, who is the one who knows how much sleep children need, and what they will be like without it… You! Young children generally do not know when they are tired. It’s rare for a child to say “Yes” when asked “Do you want to go to bed?” As adults we are the responsible ones!

A bed-time routine will look something like this…

• Dinner
• Bath time
• Drink of milk
• Cleaning Teeth
• Change nappy, or take your child to the toilet
• Gentle singing, cuddles, reading stories
• Settle the child for the night, and tuck them in
• Favourite soft toy or teddy to cuddle in bed
• Talk quietly. Some children like to have their heads stroked
• Tell them how much you love (yes, even if it’s been a challenging day!)
• Say goodnight
• Leave the room promptly

How much sleep do children need?

The following is a guideline provided by the ‘Parents as Teachers’ organisation. The recommendations are, in a 24 hour period:

Newborns need 16 - 20 hours;

At 4 weeks they need 14 – 18hrs;

Babies 6-8 weeks need about 15-16 hours;

At 2-3 months they need 12-15hrs;

At 4-9 months they need11-15hrs;

At 9-18 months they need 11 -14hrs;

Toddlers 18months – 3years need 13hours;

Children 3-5years need 11-13hrs.

Obviously some will be daytime sleeps and then the evening sleep.

Tips

• Have a dream sleep team – you and your partner take turns settling or resettling the baby/toddler. This also conveys the message to the child that both parents are saying it’s time for sleep..
• Stay calm – if you show stress or anger, the child picks up on it, and then becomes more stressed himself.
• Overtiredness makes it harder to fall asleep. Play quieter, calmer games in the lead up to the bed-time routine. Turn the TV off.
• No TV in the child’s room.
• The bed is for sleep – not the lounge in front of the TV. Whilst many parents say their children settle for sleep in front of the TV, the reality is, that their brains are being stimulated by the information they are seeing and hearing, and so their body won’t rest as well during the sleep.

Children who don’t get adequate sleep are not only grumpy and easily upset the next day, they are less able to function well, and to process new information.

Good sleep = a better day tomorrow.

Calm and Consistent is the key!

Happy Sleep Times!

So want do you say to yourself at this time?

• Yahhhh I love Christmas;
• It’s so expensive;
• I can’t want for it to be over;
• I love watching the kids faces on Christmas morning;
• Family disagreements – no thanks;
• I love family get togethers, especially Christmas;
• I love the excitement and special treats.

Which ever sentiments you have about Christmas, the reality is it is approaching fast! What can we do to make it a pleasant, positive experience for children and families? Here’s some ideas…

Craft with Children: Have some special Christmas rituals. Many families have trees and decorations, but what about making your own cards with the children, or getting them to paint wrapping paper – use a roll of brown ‘lunch’ wrap, and give them red and green paint to create with.

Include the children: Get them to help select gifts for different people: “Do you think Aunty Sue would like the green socks or the yellow ones? (within your budget of course!). Let the children help to put up the decorations – we know that it might not be ‘perfect’ but in allowing our children to help, we make them feel valued.

Get them cooking: This is a great time to get in the kitchen and cook some biscuits and slices to give away or eat yourself – a gingerbread mix and cookie cutters are great! One year my children and I cut out ‘labels’ (or gift tags) from gingerbread mix, poking a hole in it for the ribbon, and when baked, piped on people’s names with icing sugar – they were very popular.

Shopping: As it gets closer to Christmas, and the shops are busier, aim to shop early, before it’s too crowded – we know that young children don’t have the patience to wait in those long queues. If you do need to go at that time, make sure they’ve eaten, had a drink, and been to the toilet, to minimise stress all round.

Gifts: Over the years, I’ve noticed a growing trend amongst parents, to give their children everything they ‘want’. Children are encouraged to tell Santa what they want for Christmas, and it’s often tied to ‘being good’. You and I know that we will give our children gifts, even if they haven’t been well-behaved; so it’s probably unwise to use this as a ploy for good behaviour. In a similar vein, avoid using Santa as a threat eg “You better not do that again, because then Santa won’t come” – you and I know ‘he’ will! By all means encourage your children to be well behaved, but without idle threats. Christmas doesn’t need to send you bankrupt – maybe one main gift for the children and then smaller items. It’s important for developing children to learn that they can’t expect to receive everything they ask for. It doesn’t happen to us as adults - because if it did, I would have a red Ferrari in the drive-way!

Generosity: I’ve heard of parents doing this, and I love the idea. Each year in November,they encourage the children to sort through their toys and books, and to give some away to less fortunate children. They select toys which are still in good condition, but which they’ve outgrown, and give them to local charities. I believe it’s important for children to learn generosity, and it’s starts with the parents modelling, and with encouragement. 

Gratitude: In this vein also, encourage your children to say a clear thank you to those who give them gifts – the art of gratitude. We know small children (under 5) are ego-centric – they are ‘me’ focusssed. However you can still encourage gratitude. 

Sleep: Ensure that the children get a good nights sleep, particularly in the last few days before Christmas, so that they (and you!) can enjoy the next day.

Happy Parenting! Sonja