Many parents I work with have a hectic schedule of appointments and activities which are fitted in and around work and home duties. These appointments and activities include things such as dental or hair appointments and sporting or cultural activities such a soccer, kindy gym or ballet classes.

Many parents want to give their children the best possible start in life and provide them with more opportunities than they themselves had, believing that these things will lead to more educated, healthy and well-rounded children. I admire their goals, dedication and commitment to getting the child to these classes.

Raising healthy, well-rounded children is so much more than just this.

One critical thing is the importance of ‘Together Time.’

Generally, when we take our children to music, dance or martial arts classes we hand our children across to a teacher or coach, and we, the parents, become spectators. And whilst there is nothing wrong at all with that, it is vitally important that children get time engaged with us.

If you have school aged children or if you are working and the children are in care, then Together Time during the week might be eating dinner together, or reading bed time stories, or helping them with their homework. On the weekend there are so many options:

Going to the beach

Going on a picnic

Going on a bicycle ride around your neighbourhood

Going to the movies

Planting out a vegetable garden,

Spend time in the backyard, mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, and watering it

Painting the paling fence together

Playing card or board games

Going on a bush walk

Go camping for the weekend or

Pitch a tent in the backyard and sleep the night in it

Make a fire in a pit and toast marshmallows on a stick

Playing cricket

Visiting a local play ground

Going to the zoo

Going to a museum

Having a baking day at home

When you join together as a family and all participate in an activity, you are not only having fun together, but are also giving your children some valuable messages – some of these are spoken messages and some unspoken, but all are equally important. The messages might be:

We are a family

You are part of the family

We support and help each other

We encourage each other

We enjoy spending time together.

We can have fun together

We can work together to achieve something or a goal

You are important

I (the parent) like and choose to spend time with you

We might be busy but we make time for family

We regularly spend Together Time

‘Together Time’ might be family time as above, or it may be 1:1 time with one parent and one child. Again, it’s about spending quality time with the child engaged in an activity which they are interested in. It may be spending time with them ‘servicing’ their bicycle and showing them how to check the tyre pressure or how to grease the chain; or if they love cooking it could be showing them how to make a batch of scones; or if they love dinosaurs, it could be taking them to the museum.

Whether it’s Family Together Time or 1:1 Together Time, it is about connecting with the child/ren. No phones, no telly to interrupt you -  just focused time.

Think back to a time when you felt someone was really ‘there’ for you, when they were attentive and present, and how good that felt. Conversely you might recall a time when you were with someone but they weren’t really attentive – it didn’t feel like you were important to them.

We want out children to grow up feeling they matter, and Together Time is one special way of doing that.

Can you make Saturday afternoons Together Time?

How can you give your children and yourself the gift of Together Time this week?

Happy Together Time!

Music for babies begins when you first coo to them, or when you are rocking them to sleep whilst humming, or singing a quiet, gentle lullaby. Babies have even heard your music in utereo, including the ‘music’ of your beating heart!

Parents often sing little songs or rhymes to them whilst changing their nappy or bathing them – reciting ‘This little piggy went to market’ or entertaining a young child with ‘Round and round the garden’, on their hand. Music is such a great connecting mechanism between the parent and child. Music provides comfort, familiarity, physical closeness, anticipation and often laughter.

There are four components to music: singing, listening, dancing and playing.

Here’s how you can help your child to learn….

Singing: Sing lullabies eg ‘Rock-a Bye Baby’ or ‘Mockingbird’ and nursery rhymes such as ‘Twinkle, Twinkle little Star’, or ‘Baa, Baa, Black Sheep’. Include the actions, and even young babies will start to really watch your movements and your excitement, and will soon join in for some of the actions, and maybe part of the words. Toddlers love songs such as ‘Old MacDonald’ where they play an active role in choosing the next animal, and joining in for the chorus.

Listening: This is such an important skill to teach our children. Children may hear you, but may not always listen! We start to teach our babies to listen by using our voice expressively when we greet them, or are talking with them. We give them rattles to shake, and bells which ring. Often we have music in the house and children get to hear what is playing. Take care that the volume is not too loud for them. We also encourage listening by sometimes having both the TV and the music off, and then pointing out the sound of the birds chirping outside, or the distant sound of the postmans’ bike approaching. This really encourages the child to tune in to the sound(s).

When you play music, play a variety…. It can be anything from children’s music to Mozart! By listening to different styles children get to hear the instruments, rhythms and beat.

Read books with rhyming verse and repeated phrases as it encourages participation with it’s rhythm.

Dancing: I remember clearly as a 6 year old, standing on my Daddy’s feet, while he ‘danced’ me around the room, while he sang "You are my sunshine" – such a beautiful memory. Dance with your children, both by holding them on your hip as a baby or toddler, or on your feet with older children. Later dance along side with them, and show them some of your best moves! Have fun doing this – you are creating memories. Let the child choose which music they’d like to play, and what type of dancing is going to be best here.

Playing: Playing musical instruments is such fun! It’s great to have ‘proper’ ones, but you can start off by making simple musical instruments yourself. Fill empty, clean plastic take-away containers with a variety of items – dried beans in one, raw rice in another, cotton tips in another one. Place the lids on and use strong tape to seal them (small items can be a choking hazard). Show your child how to shake them and talk about the loud and soft sounds. Two empty cardboard rolls (from lunchwrap) can be used as tapping sticks, and a wooden spoon and empty plastic container upside-down makes a great drum! You can also use a metal saucepan - but this is only recommended if you can cope with the volume! Sing songs with your child, and play along on the instruments you created together.

Happy musical parenting!

This week I needed to purchase some new toys for a Playgroup I run. ‘That’s easy’, I thought, as I headed to the nearest toy store. The various Parenting Consultant positions I’ve held over the past 14 years have all come with fully set up rooms. So, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a toy store! Frankly, I must say that I was horrified at the sexism and consumerism I was confronted with. Aisles and aisles of pink toys for girls and blue/ green for boys. And, the vast majority of toys had TV/ movie characters on them as logos. Is this what we want for our children - to be pigeon holed into gender based stereotypes, and to be on the consumer trail from 2 years of age?

The pink, ‘girl stuff’’ was basically projecting images of a demure, delicate, gentle child, and many toys were of a domestic nature. The ‘boy toys’ projected toughness adventure and, with bold or military colours.

This push towards ‘girly pink’ or a ‘baby blue’ for boys, begins at birth. No, actually, it begins prior to birth when many parents want to know the gender of the child so that they can decorate the room pink or blue. (And yes, I know there are many other reasons why parents want to know the gender). Then once baby arrives often gifts are received, and again the parents have the gender of the child defined by colour , with pink and blue as predominate.

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Have you ever had your child calling: “Mum, Mum, come and look at this.” You go and it’s a dead cricket. At that moment in time you have a choice to make…. To either engage in the moment with your child or to dismiss it/ them. You can either talk with them about what they’ve found, ask questions about what they think happened or what they think they should do with the cricket, thereby making it a time of learning, understanding and connection. Or, you can dismiss it with: “Its dead, leave it alone” or “Is that all, I was in the middle of doing dishes!”

One way helps the child feel connected with you, that you have time for them, and that what they have to say or show you is of value to you.

The other way – if said often enough- gives the message that you aren’t interested in what they like, and that dirty dishes are more important than them.

When my children were younger and we’d walk, I lost count of the number of rocks and pebbles collected by one child and each one had to be viewed by me, as if she’d just found gold. I also remember my daughter calling me to look at yet another jump she’d just come up with on the trampoline and wanted me to view – many times in a day, and if I resisted she’d say: ‘but Mum, this one’s special!’ When I did look - even if it didn’t seem any different to the last one, or last few I’d viewed – the magic was in her face – she beamed with pride over that jump…. That was the magic of the moment!

Every day we are given opportunities to connect with our children in a positive way, to build their sense of self-worth. The magic moments can be found anywhere and everywhere – in play together, in smiling and hugging, in laughing and doing silly things together, in noticing and commenting on what they are doing – magic is available anywhere!

It doesn’t come in the form of big expensive toys, but in the form of your connection with them when you play with those toys! So many parents have said to me that their child never plays with all the toys they have bought them. I can almost guarantee that if those parents played with the child with those same toys, there would be joy in the child’s eyes.

Magic is actually a willingness to give – to give your child the gift of your focussed time. Forget taking a photo of the moment and instead BE in the moment with them!

You can find magic in:

• Water puddles
• Cooking pretend cakes
• Gardening
• Playing with cars in the dirt
• Watching a show together
• Collecting sticks or rocks
• Watching the stars at night
• Reading a favourite story book over and over
• And in pulling funny faces in the mirror!

I know you all have dishes to do, washing to hang on the line and lawns to mow – but amid all the ‘work’ of parenting, find several of these magic moments each day!

You have the magic in you as a parent to make the magic smile and dance in your child’s eyes – it’s a choice we consciously make everytime they say; ‘Watch me, Dad!’

Happy ‘Magic Moments’!

I had a mini-holiday recently, in a beautiful little seaside town. Daily I would walk to the beach, to absorb the sunshine and heat, as well as hear the sounds of the waves crashing, and the smell the scent of the sea and the bush surrounds.

On the beach were so many families from India, Asian, the Middle East and Anglos. There were Mums with kids, families with cousins & Grandparents, group of friends, surfers, and couples walking hand in hand.

What they all had in common, was a day of fun. There were so many smiles and the sound of laughter, and it was wonderful to participate in this event.

It made me reflect on all the amazing messages which were intentionally and unintentionally being shared with the children present.

They were messages about:

• Family – having fun together, and the different combinations of people which make up our families.
• Play – having fun together through walking, swimming, playing cricket or footie, building sandcastles, cooking and eating.
• Water – the power of the water, the sound of the crashing waves, the ability to stem the flow of water from a small stream by building a ‘dam’ wall of sand, and then breaking the wall to allow it to flow again, into the ocean.
• Beach safety – holding hands with the young children as they jump the waves, and seeing the presence of the Lifesavers and understanding what they do.
• Nature – appreciating the beauty of the place – the beach, the sand, the bush approaches, and the tended picnic grounds.
• Language – children heard the different languages of the the cultures present, realising that there is more than one way to speak.
• Sharing – sharing the ball, the games, the space, the food and the picnic tables.
• Taking ‘risks’ – showing younger children how to traverse the rocks, or jump across the small stream, to ‘dare’ to get your clothes wet whilst exploring the waters edge. Watching the older adults who safely surf or parasail.
• Rubbish – ensuring that your rubbish is taken away or placed in the bins – as well as many collecting any stray pieces which have blown there.
• Hygiene – re-inforcing washing your hands after using the public toilets or after collecting the rubbish.
• Exercise – participating in running, climbing, walking or swimming. Watching the people surfing or parasailing, with the idea that when the children are older that they can join in. Noticing that people exercising are having fun!
• Humanitarianism – the ethnicity of people wasn’t relevant….. everyone shared the space equally and enjoyed all it had to offer.
• Shared work – after a fun day, there are sand toys and bags to carry back to the car, and then unpacked and cleaned at home.

So many amazing lessons on the beach – many of them unspoken messages, but equally absorbed by the children.

We expose our child to these sort of spoken and subtle messages whichever environment they are in – be it the beach, the supermarket or movie theatre. It helps children to learn the ‘rules’ of their environments and our society, through us as parents, and by the others who use the same space.

Happy learning one and all!

Play is children’s ‘work’. When children are playing, they are learning valuable information.  This poem summarises it:

The Value of Play

Play is fun.
Play comes from within. Children love to play.
Play is an important part of healthy development.
Play is enjoyable and doesn’t need careful planning, or an end result.
Play means active involvement, not just watching.
During play, the child sets the rules, and there is no right or wrong way to play.
During play children practise physical skills and learn about their bodies.
They learn to use their imagination.
They learn about their own feelings and the feelings of others.
They learn about the world around them using all five senses.
Play is the work of children!

Through play children learn:

To explore materials
To be creative
To use language
To share (maybe!)
To make decisions
To test possibilities
To estimate
To concentrate
and so much more!

Children need the time to explore through play - by playing alone, with other children, and with you. Each of these relationships are important!

In the first 12 months, play involves rattles and listening to your voice; watching you move about the room, or the dog running in the garden; playing with their toes. Babies like to bang wooden spoons on saucepans, and to pull things out of the laundry basket (clean or not!), and to play peek-a-boo!

From 1 -2 years, toddlers like to play with dolls or teddies, and to help you make the bed, to play in sand or water, with empty containers. They love to stack objects and to open and close drawers and doors, and to climb in and out of cardboard grocery boxes. Toddlers love playing chasings, drawing with crayons and collecting stones or sticks when out walking.

At 2 -3 years, children often like messy play with sand and water, or shaving cream spread on a table. They love to walk , run and climb, and to join in when you wash the car or cook a cake. Toddlers like pasting objects onto paper and taking them off again, to play dress-ups with your clothes and shoes, and to sort out cars and animal toys into different boxes.

3-4 year olds like pretend play – to be a shopkeeper, a doctor or a mechanic. They like to help you water the garden and wash the dishes. They often like to paint and to see that you display their artwork. Young children like to jump and to throw and catch a ball. They can learn to use scissors and to make paper chains or to thread beads onto string. They like to 'read' you the story from the book, and to talk a lot!

You’ll notice that many of the activities listed don’t involve expensive toys – most are with items you have around the house, and having your participation is what children really want! It's pretty easy to include children in the jobs you have to do around the home - washing, cleaning, cooking, hanging clothes out on the line, or weeding the garden - give them a small task to do and praise them as they attempt to do it..... just watch them swell with pride!

If you can make time (even small amounts) to play with your children every day, not only with they be learning skills and developing, they are also forming a positive relationship with the most important person in their world – You! When playing with young children, let them 'lead' the play ie ask them what they'd like you to do with the building blocks, or what they'd like you to draw with the crayons. This teaches them that there are some things which they can choose and control, and at other times Mum or Dad chooses.

Remember play is about fun and learning - smile, laugh, show and embrace this experience together....

Happy Playing!