I recently had a trip overseas to see my family in Denmark. While I was there, I was away from the busy-ness of my daily life and so had more time to relax and think.
Flying gives me great pleasure – I get excited just like a child – the thrill of taxiing down the runway, and the glee when the plane lifts and soars above the ground – I sit there, almost grinning like the Cheshire Cat in ‘Alice in Wonderful’.
The next day I’m lying on the grass in my sister, Anita’s backyard, in the sunshine with my niece, gazing through the dappled light of the giant tree at the moving clouds. I felt grateful and blessed to be there, for Cecilie’s company (I only see her every 4-5 years), for the sun when it was mid-winter back home in Tasmania, for being able to laze about instead of working, for the fact I had enough money to take such a trip, and for the joy of being with family again – so many things to be grateful for!
I believe that in every day there are things to be grateful for, and that it’s important to notice them.
What happens when we notice and appreciate these little things, is that we become better at noticing even more of them. Gratitude is a bit like a muscle – the more we use it (noticing and appreciating things) the stronger it gets, and our capacity to see more grows. The same happens when we focus on what’s wrong - we become better at finding more problems or issues – we’ve exercised our ‘problems’ muscle! I know which one I’d rather be stronger in!
Does this mean that we never experience problems – of course not! We will still have things like a child who has just spilt a litre of milk on the floor, or it starts raining when the washing is out, or that you get a big phone bill. These experiences are called ‘life’ and we all go through it, as your children will. When these things happen (the milk, the rain, the bill) we can either dwell on the problem by ranting or yelling or complaining, or we can choose to work on solving the problem instead, with an attitude of ‘what can I do to make this better’. It switches the whole focus from problem to solution! In the heat of the moment it may not feel like there’s anything to be grateful for, but on reflection… maybe you can see that the toddler is learning to pour better, and that the rain is helping the flowers to grow, and that the phone bill means you have lots of friends to talk with! How we choose to see our world is up to us!
Have you ever used a Gratitude Jar? Take a large glass jar and put a label “Gratitude Jar 2014” on it. Each night before bed on a small piece on paper, write down at least one thing you are grateful for, fold it up and place it in the jar. Do this every night. You’ll soon see that there are many things to be grateful for in your life. Yes, even when you are going through times. When I had breast cancer 5 years ago, it was a really had time, with surgery, chemotherapy, radiation etc. Yet, there were still so many things to be grateful for: the skill of the doctors, the caring nurses, the drugs available now, the family who supported me, the flowers I received, the sun shine, the food prepared, the wind in my hair - oh no, I didn’t have that! – so it was laughter instead – soooo much to be grateful for!
What would you put in your Gratitude Jar today? – thanks for the sunshine; my smiling children, my sleeping baby, the food I’m preparing for lunch, the fact I can pay my phone bill, I have warm clothes for my toddler, the feel of clean sheets or freshly brushed teeth, the taste of strawberries, the perfume my mother wears, the memory of my Grandpa etc etc
What an important gift to share with your children – to look at the world with thanks!
Happy (grateful) parenting!
Today is a special day for me – it’s my 12th anniversary of being cancer free. For those of you who’ve walked that path, or supported someone along that journey, you would know that there are no guarantees about whether you will make it or not. I lost a friend during my treatment time and have lost four friends since I went through it.
With good medical intervention, support from family and friends and my own personal attitude and strength I did make it successfully out the other side of cancer. I know others who possessed the same support and personal qualities and yet didn’t make it.
Someone said to me at towards the end of my treatment: ‘Sonja, you’ve been given a second chance at LIFE.’ And, that is true on many levels….
Firstly, I’m alive – and for that I’m very grateful!
Secondly, I stress a less…. Most annoyances are just that!
Thirdly, one of the biggest things for me is, that I notice more the beauty around me – the sunshine, laughter, a smile, a call from one of my children, my favourite cup, nature and so much more. When I notice these things I often smile and say a silent: ‘Thank you’ in gratitude.
I believe that in every day there are things to be grateful for,
and that it’s important to notice them.
Don’t wait to get a ‘death scare’ to notice and appreciate these things!
When we notice and appreciate these little things, we become better at noticing even more of them! Gratitude is a bit like a muscle – the more we use it (noticing and appreciating things) the stronger it gets, and our capacity to see more grows. The same happens when we focus on what’s wrong - we become better at finding more problems or issues – we’ve exercised our ‘problems’ muscle! I know which one I’d rather be stronger in!
Does this mean that we never experience problems – of course not! We will still have things like a child who has just spilt a litre of milk on the floor, or it starts raining when the washing is out, or that you get a big phone bill. These experiences are called ‘life’ and we all go through it, as your children will. When these things happen (the milk, the rain, the bill) we can either dwell on the problem by ranting or yelling or complaining, or we can choose to work on solving the problem instead, with an attitude of :
‘What can I do to make this better’.
It switches the whole focus from problem to solution! In the heat of the moment it may not feel like there’s anything to be grateful for, but on reflection… maybe you can see that the toddler is learning to pour better, and that the rain is helping the flowers to grow, and that the phone bill means you have lots of friends to talk with! How we choose to see our world is up to us!
Have you ever used a Gratitude Jar? Take a large glass jar and put a label “Gratitude Jar 2014” on it. Each night before bed on a small piece on paper, write down at least one thing you are grateful for, fold it up and place it in the jar. Do this every night. You’ll soon see that there are many things to be grateful for in your life. Yes, even when you are going through times. When I had breast cancer 8 years ago, it was a really had time, with surgery, chemotherapy, radiation etc. Yet, there were still so many things to be grateful for: the skill of the doctors, the caring nurses, the drugs available now, the family who supported me, the flowers I received, the sun shine, the food prepared, the wind in my hair - oh no, I didn’t have that! – so it was laughter instead – soooo much to be grateful for!
What would you put in your Gratitude Jar today? – thanks for the sunshine; my smiling children, my sleeping baby, the food I’m preparing for lunch, the fact I can pay my phone bill, I have warm clothes for my toddler, the feel of clean sheets or freshly brushed teeth, the taste of strawberries, the perfume my mother wears, the memory of my Grandpa etc etc
What an important gift to share with your children – to look at the world with thanks!
Happy (grateful) Parenting!
So want do you say to yourself at this time?
Which ever sentiments you have about Christmas, the reality is it is approaching fast! What can we do to make it a pleasant, positive experience for children and families? Here’s some ideas…
Craft with Children: Have some special Christmas rituals. Many families have trees and decorations, but what about making your own cards with the children, or getting them to paint wrapping paper – use a roll of brown ‘lunch’ wrap, and give them red and green paint to create with.
Include the children: Get them to help select gifts for different people: “Do you think Aunty Sue would like the green socks or the yellow ones? (within your budget of course!). Let the children help to put up the decorations – we know that it might not be ‘perfect’ but in allowing our children to help, we make them feel valued.
Get them cooking: This is a great time to get in the kitchen and cook some biscuits and slices to give away or eat yourself – a gingerbread mix and cookie cutters are great! One year my children and I cut out ‘labels’ (or gift tags) from gingerbread mix, poking a hole in it for the ribbon, and when baked, piped on people’s names with icing sugar – they were very popular.
Shopping: As it gets closer to Christmas, and the shops are busier, aim to shop early, before it’s too crowded – we know that young children don’t have the patience to wait in those long queues. If you do need to go at that time, make sure they’ve eaten, had a drink, and been to the toilet, to minimise stress all round.
Gifts: Over the years, I’ve noticed a growing trend amongst parents, to give their children everything they ‘want’. Children are encouraged to tell Santa what they want for Christmas, and it’s often tied to ‘being good’. You and I know that we will give our children gifts, even if they haven’t been well-behaved; so it’s probably unwise to use this as a ploy for good behaviour. In a similar vein, avoid using Santa as a threat eg “You better not do that again, because then Santa won’t come” – you and I know ‘he’ will! By all means encourage your children to be well behaved, but without idle threats. Christmas doesn’t need to send you bankrupt – maybe one main gift for the children and then smaller items. It’s important for developing children to learn that they can’t expect to receive everything they ask for. It doesn’t happen to us as adults - because if it did, I would have a red Ferrari in the drive-way!
Generosity: I’ve heard of parents doing this, and I love the idea. Each year in November,they encourage the children to sort through their toys and books, and to give some away to less fortunate children. They select toys which are still in good condition, but which they’ve outgrown, and give them to local charities. I believe it’s important for children to learn generosity, and it’s starts with the parents modelling, and with encouragement.
Gratitude: In this vein also, encourage your children to say a clear thank you to those who give them gifts – the art of gratitude. We know small children (under 5) are ego-centric – they are ‘me’ focusssed. However you can still encourage gratitude.
Sleep: Ensure that the children get a good nights sleep, particularly in the last few days before Christmas, so that they (and you!) can enjoy the next day.
Happy Parenting! Sonja