Do you sometimes have difficulty working out why your baby is crying? What is it, that they want? And even when you’ve tried a few things, they still cry!

Imagine if you were the baby and you were saying: ‘I’m tired’, and your carer feeds you instead! And then when you say again: ‘I’m tired’, then they decide to burp you… or change your nappy – the result would be one unhappy baby – and probably one upset and distressed parent!

This is what often happens with a newborn and new parents. It’s like we are both talking different languages, and can’t really understand what the other is saying. And so we take a guess – and sometimes we are lucky and get it right, and other times not!

Wouldn’t it be great to actually know what the baby was saying? Imagine how easy that would make it! Well, now you can.

An Australian lady, Priscilla Dunstan, who has an auditory memory, could hear that the sounds her infant son made were the same every time he was hungry, and that when he had wind, he made a different sound. She then went on to find that all babies, regardless of the family’s language or their socio-economic group, made the same sounds. On investigation – followed by 10 years of research around the world – it was determined that the 5 main sounds which newborns make, are reflexed based.

When the baby is hungry, it commences the sucking reflex, and when you add sound to it, the cry or sound produced is neh. So all babies will make this sound when they start the sucking reflex.

When a baby is tired, the yawning reflex kicks in, and with their cry, the sound owh is heard.

Wind in the upper area means the baby needs to burp, and so the muscles in the chest are trying to constrict to force the burp up, which leads to the word eh.

When the wind hasn’t been expelled via burping, it travels through the baby and becomes lower gut pain, and now they are attempting to push, to eliminate the wind – leading to an eairh sound.

If babies are too hot or cold, or their nappy is wet, their skin becomes irritated and they produce a breathy sound - heh

Basically, when a baby cries, it is telling us something… exactly what they need!

As new parents it can take many weeks or even months to really work this out through trial and error. The Dunstan Baby Language makes it so much easier! Sonja is the Australian National trainer of DBL and runs regular classes for both parents and also professionals who wish to learn the method. Nothing beats having an experienced DBL Trainer explain it to you, and to ensure that you really can interpret what your child is saying!

Being able to more often identify and meet babies requests through the DBL method, leads to a more content baby, and calmer parents – and that has to be a good thing!

When I have Home Visits with families in my role as a Parenting Consultant, I’m watching and listening to see how the child is developing across four areas – Language , Intellect, Social-Emotional, and Motor skills. Imagine how much easier parenting would be if you understood why children do what they do… If you knew the ‘why’, then you may approach the situation differently…

Today I’ll share with you what I might expect to see in the Social-Emotional domain in young babies.

Social refers to how the child interacts with others and the learning of social skills.

Emotional refers to how they express their emotions.

From birth to 6 weeks, babies will observe the people in their environment, and they particularly like to look at faces – presumably because of the movement and the voices of people. At this stage the baby’s vision isn’t well developed and so what they see is very blurry. About 30cm away from their face is where things are most clear. They can usually be comforted by their parents and will show when they are overstimulated, by turning their face away or becoming fussy – check to see if they are ready for a sleep, or whether there is too much ‘busy-ness’ around them, then reduce it.

From 6 weeks to 3 ½ months, babies will smile purposefully, and show excitement when they see or hear you approaching. They will cry to let you know their needs for food, burping and sleep. (The Dunstan Baby Language can help parents to correctly identify their needs – read more about Dunstan Baby Language (DBL) here ).

Babies will attempt to copy some of your facial expressions if you take the time to wait for a response. They will often have some form of self-soothing such as sucking a dummy or their thumb.

At 3 ½ - 5 ½ months, babies will have distinctly different cries to draw your attention to their needs. The quicker parents respond to these needs, the quicker the baby settles, and trust is developed between parent and child. Babies of this age make their frustration known when they can’t quite reach something, or they have managed to roll over, but have got their arm stuck underneath themselves . They show their frustration immediately and seek help from you. They also show their excitement when you engage with them in play or talk, by smiling and laughing – eg when you blow raspberries on their belly and they giggle!

Between 5 ½ - 8 months, babies may develop separation anxiety, crying when you leave the room to go to the bathroom, or to make a cup of tea. It’s especially distressing for them, if they aren’t yet crawling, and able to follow you. You still need to do these things. One way to minimise their distress, is to play ‘peek-a-boo’ around the corner when you are about to leave, showing them you are still present. Alternatively you can talk to them in a slightly louder voice as you leave the room, so that they can still hear you and therefore know that you are there.

They may also show distress when unfamiliar people are about, even Grandparents whom they don’t see often. Their distress may be because they have built a strong attachment to you in terms of trust and in having their needs meet, and they don’t know if these ‘new’ people are the same as you. You are their security. It’s important not to force them to be held by these people, when they are upset, so talk to the visitors whilst you hold your baby.

Next week I’ll continue to share information about the Social-Emotional development of children from 8 months to 3 years.

Happy Parenting!