I recently had a trip overseas to see my family in Denmark. While I was there, I was away from the busy-ness of my daily life and so had more time to relax and think.
Flying gives me great pleasure – I get excited just like a child – the thrill of taxiing down the runway, and the glee when the plane lifts and soars above the ground – I sit there, almost grinning like the Cheshire Cat in ‘Alice in Wonderful’.
The next day I’m lying on the grass in my sister, Anita’s backyard, in the sunshine with my niece, gazing through the dappled light of the giant tree at the moving clouds. I felt grateful and blessed to be there, for Cecilie’s company (I only see her every 4-5 years), for the sun when it was mid-winter back home in Tasmania, for being able to laze about instead of working, for the fact I had enough money to take such a trip, and for the joy of being with family again – so many things to be grateful for!
I believe that in every day there are things to be grateful for, and that it’s important to notice them.
What happens when we notice and appreciate these little things, is that we become better at noticing even more of them. Gratitude is a bit like a muscle – the more we use it (noticing and appreciating things) the stronger it gets, and our capacity to see more grows. The same happens when we focus on what’s wrong - we become better at finding more problems or issues – we’ve exercised our ‘problems’ muscle! I know which one I’d rather be stronger in!
Does this mean that we never experience problems – of course not! We will still have things like a child who has just spilt a litre of milk on the floor, or it starts raining when the washing is out, or that you get a big phone bill. These experiences are called ‘life’ and we all go through it, as your children will. When these things happen (the milk, the rain, the bill) we can either dwell on the problem by ranting or yelling or complaining, or we can choose to work on solving the problem instead, with an attitude of ‘what can I do to make this better’. It switches the whole focus from problem to solution! In the heat of the moment it may not feel like there’s anything to be grateful for, but on reflection… maybe you can see that the toddler is learning to pour better, and that the rain is helping the flowers to grow, and that the phone bill means you have lots of friends to talk with! How we choose to see our world is up to us!
Have you ever used a Gratitude Jar? Take a large glass jar and put a label “Gratitude Jar 2014” on it. Each night before bed on a small piece on paper, write down at least one thing you are grateful for, fold it up and place it in the jar. Do this every night. You’ll soon see that there are many things to be grateful for in your life. Yes, even when you are going through times. When I had breast cancer 5 years ago, it was a really had time, with surgery, chemotherapy, radiation etc. Yet, there were still so many things to be grateful for: the skill of the doctors, the caring nurses, the drugs available now, the family who supported me, the flowers I received, the sun shine, the food prepared, the wind in my hair - oh no, I didn’t have that! – so it was laughter instead – soooo much to be grateful for!
What would you put in your Gratitude Jar today? – thanks for the sunshine; my smiling children, my sleeping baby, the food I’m preparing for lunch, the fact I can pay my phone bill, I have warm clothes for my toddler, the feel of clean sheets or freshly brushed teeth, the taste of strawberries, the perfume my mother wears, the memory of my Grandpa etc etc
What an important gift to share with your children – to look at the world with thanks!
Happy (grateful) parenting!
Did you know, that when a baby is born, his brain is ½ the size of an adult brain? By the time he is 3 years old, his brain has grown to 80% size of an adult brain. This is incredible growth, in just 3 years.
How does the brain work, and how can we foster this development?
Within the brain are billions of nerve cells, known as neurons. The neurons have to connect with other brain cells in order to work. Some of these connections are present from birth – for example, the ability to breathe, to suck, to cry, and others occur as the baby grows and develops. The connections occur when experiences or skills are repeated over and over.
For example you don’t learn how to fly a plane with just one lesson – you need multiple opportunities to practise in order to be competent. Babies are the same - in order to learn to walk, or stack blocks or feed themselves – it doesn’t happen with just one instruction from us. This is why a young baby will drop toys (or food!) over the high chair repeatedly. Parents often think that the child doesn’t want the object. What the baby is learning, is when I drop this book, it goes bang, and when I do it again, it still goes bang. When I drop the orange it rolls away, sometimes it rolls left, sometimes right… they are looking to make the connection (in their brain) between action and response. Once they’ve dropped the book often enough, then they no longer need to do it, because they know it will go bang.
Whilst our skulls are hard, the brain within is fragile, and like glass, it can be easily damaged. This is why we need to ensure proper care of the brain, especially in the early months, when baby’s neck muscles are not yet strong, and they struggle to hold up that heavy head. Babies should never be shaken, as their fragile brain bangs against the inside of the skull and can lead to death or serious permanent damage of the brain and it’s function.
We also need to protect babies and children’s brains, by ensuring that they are securely placed in car seats, and later, wear helmets whilst bicycling.
Brain development is also fostered by diet. In order for those connections (known as synapses) to be strong in the brain, they need a protective coating of myelin. The myelin coating enables the brain cells to function more efficiently. Myelin occurs naturally in breast milk, and is added to formula milk. For this reason, formula milk should always be made up according to the directions (not diluted), to ensure the baby receives the correct amount of myelin.
Another thing which fosters healthy brain development, is to limit screen time. It is well documented, that TV, because of the fast moving images, affects the developing neural pathways. When these babies grow, they seem to require constant activity as they’ve grown to see this activity as the norm. Many Paediatric services now recommend no screen time before the age of 2 years of age, and less than 2hrs per day for ages 2+, due to the effects on the developing brain. I hear your shock…. what will I do with them? Think back to your childhood – more walks in the park, or playing in the backyard, digging in the garden, cooking with Grandma, craft work, collecting leaves and snails etc.
It does make you wonder, doesn’t it, with the huge increase in children on medication for ADHD, the children who have poor social skills and the children who have no impulse control, which we’ve seen increase dramatically over the past 20 years, since we have had more screens in the household – be they TV, DVD, computer, X-box etc – makes you wonder….
Being a parent is a huge responsibility, which includes, as far as possible, doing everything we can do to nurture that precious developing brain.
Happy Parenting!
Music for babies begins when you first coo to them, or when you are rocking them to sleep whilst humming, or singing a quiet, gentle lullaby. Babies have even heard your music in utereo, including the ‘music’ of your beating heart!
Parents often sing little songs or rhymes to them whilst changing their nappy or bathing them – reciting ‘This little piggy went to market’ or entertaining a young child with ‘Round and round the garden’, on their hand. Music is such a great connecting mechanism between the parent and child. Music provides comfort, familiarity, physical closeness, anticipation and often laughter.
There are four components to music: singing, listening, dancing and playing.
Here’s how you can help your child to learn….
Singing: Sing lullabies eg ‘Rock-a Bye Baby’ or ‘Mockingbird’ and nursery rhymes such as ‘Twinkle, Twinkle little Star’, or ‘Baa, Baa, Black Sheep’. Include the actions, and even young babies will start to really watch your movements and your excitement, and will soon join in for some of the actions, and maybe part of the words. Toddlers love songs such as ‘Old MacDonald’ where they play an active role in choosing the next animal, and joining in for the chorus.
Listening: This is such an important skill to teach our children. Children may hear you, but may not always listen! We start to teach our babies to listen by using our voice expressively when we greet them, or are talking with them. We give them rattles to shake, and bells which ring. Often we have music in the house and children get to hear what is playing. Take care that the volume is not too loud for them. We also encourage listening by sometimes having both the TV and the music off, and then pointing out the sound of the birds chirping outside, or the distant sound of the postmans’ bike approaching. This really encourages the child to tune in to the sound(s).
When you play music, play a variety…. It can be anything from children’s music to Mozart! By listening to different styles children get to hear the instruments, rhythms and beat.
Read books with rhyming verse and repeated phrases as it encourages participation with it’s rhythm.
Dancing: I remember clearly as a 6 year old, standing on my Daddy’s feet, while he ‘danced’ me around the room, while he sang "You are my sunshine" – such a beautiful memory. Dance with your children, both by holding them on your hip as a baby or toddler, or on your feet with older children. Later dance along side with them, and show them some of your best moves! Have fun doing this – you are creating memories. Let the child choose which music they’d like to play, and what type of dancing is going to be best here.
Playing: Playing musical instruments is such fun! It’s great to have ‘proper’ ones, but you can start off by making simple musical instruments yourself. Fill empty, clean plastic take-away containers with a variety of items – dried beans in one, raw rice in another, cotton tips in another one. Place the lids on and use strong tape to seal them (small items can be a choking hazard). Show your child how to shake them and talk about the loud and soft sounds. Two empty cardboard rolls (from lunchwrap) can be used as tapping sticks, and a wooden spoon and empty plastic container upside-down makes a great drum! You can also use a metal saucepan - but this is only recommended if you can cope with the volume! Sing songs with your child, and play along on the instruments you created together.
Happy musical parenting!
For a long time now we’ve known the valuable role that mothers play in the development of children, through nurturing and play.
Research also acknowledges the powerful role which Dads play in the family dynamics generally, and in the long term well-being of their children.
The best gift a Dad can give his kids, is his time!
Being a Dad is probably the most important job you’ll ever do. The way you interact and behave with your children will have a huge impact on them – what they do, how they feel about themselves and how they turn out - both now, and down the track. As with anything that is important to you, being a great Dad requires time, energy and effort!
When fathers are actively (and positively) engaged in their children’s lives, the benefits are tremendous. It’s been shown that:
Every Dad needs encouragement from family and friends – especially from the mother of the child. This includes:
A lot of people still feel that parenting means 'by mothers...
Image that a (well intentioned) Mum insists on being the one who knows best how to change a nappy, or settle a child to sleep, or to feed them. That Mum does become an 'expert' because she gets to practice her skills regularly. If the Dad is discouraged from helping he doesn't get the chance to develop his parenting skills. Now, imagine if something happened to Mum, where she needed to go to hospital for a day or two, for example. The baby/ toddler would then be cared for by Dad. This child has only experienced the way Mum feeds him, changes him, holds him etc and so not only is the child stressed because Mum is absent, the baby/ toddler is also distressed because Dad does things differently to the way the baby/ toddler is used to.
It's really important, and beneficial to a child to experience the slightly different ways that parent work with them, and to learn that both parents can care for me (the baby/ toddler)
Enjoy your special role Dads, and .... Mums – encourage and acknowledge all the great work they do.
When a child has the important adults in a strong parenting role, the benefits are huge!
Happy Fathers Day!
Hearing is an important and necessary part of speech development. Babies are now given a hearing test at birth, as if there are any difficulties they are detected early so that measures can be taken to optimise the development of language and speech.
As with most development, it is an on-going process. So what can your baby hear at different ages?
In the first few weeks after birth, babies have a strong startle reflex – responding to bright lights and sudden noise. They jerk as a result, with both their arms and legs. Surprisingly they start to make simple sounds like 'owh' and 'eh'. This indicates a particular needs such as tiredness and wind. You can read more about this and how to interpret their sounds in a previous article I've written about the Dunstan Baby Language https://theparentingcafe.com.au/the-5-words-your-newborn-says/
They will respond to sounds, without understanding where they come from, and they love to hear your voice, which is a familiar sound from in utero!
From 6 weeks to 3 ½ months babies will start to turn in the direction of sounds they hear, and they will 'know' your voice and may show excitement when you speak, by smiling at you, or 'talking' to you.
From this very early age they are learning about conversation, and you may notice that when you speak to them, and then stop, they will often 'talk' back to you and wait for you to respond - simply amazing!
From 3 ½ – 5 ½ months you'll notice how they react to a variety of sounds and voices. Babies will often respond to their name, so make sure you use it in your talking with them. They often enjoy toys which make gentle sounds like rattles or soft music. When you sing with your baby and do actions to the song, you'll notice that your baby may attempt to do an action when they recognise the song eg moving hands when you sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'. Babies brains are also starting to recognise often repeated words.
At 5 ½ – 8 months they repeat simple sounds like 'ba-ba' or 'da-da' At this stage 'da-da' doesn't mean Dad, it is a sound that they have learnt to say, and 'b' and 'd' are often the first sounds they are able to master. They are starting to make associations with the words you often say eg bottle, bed, book. Interestingly too, babies are able to store the sounds of different languages in their brain. This is particularly useful when there are two languages being spoken in the home. Their brains are able to accept that each item you pick up has 2 names eg 'bed' or 'seng' (in Danish).
By 8 -14 months they can point to objects you name and can say simple words eg 'bo' for bottle. Their speech isn't clear, but becomes consistent. They may be able to make animal sounds on request, or when they see a picture of the animal in a book. Their receptive language has increased dramatically and when you ask: 'Where's the ball?' they understand and will look around for it.
At all times it is your connection with them which is important – your voice, it's tone and volume. Your voice provides them with so much information. Be aware that they don't get this same level of engagement with a TV or iPad app, which is one of the reasons why they aren't recommended for children under two years of age. You are the most important one for their development!
If you notice your baby or toddler isn't responding to sounds, or isn't babbling, have their hearing checked. It maybe as a result of an short term infection, but needs to be checked by your doctor.
Happy talking with your child!
Do you sometimes have difficulty working out why your baby is crying? What is it, that they want? And even when you’ve tried a few things, they still cry!
Imagine if you were the baby and you were saying: ‘I’m tired’, and your carer feeds you instead! And then when you say again: ‘I’m tired’, then they decide to burp you… or change your nappy – the result would be one unhappy baby – and probably one upset and distressed parent!
This is what often happens with a newborn and new parents. It’s like we are both talking different languages, and can’t really understand what the other is saying. And so we take a guess – and sometimes we are lucky and get it right, and other times not!
Wouldn’t it be great to actually know what the baby was saying? Imagine how easy that would make it! Well, now you can.
An Australian lady, Priscilla Dunstan, who has an auditory memory, could hear that the sounds her infant son made were the same every time he was hungry, and that when he had wind, he made a different sound. She then went on to find that all babies, regardless of the family’s language or their socio-economic group, made the same sounds. On investigation – followed by 10 years of research around the world – it was determined that the 5 main sounds which newborns make, are reflexed based.
When the baby is hungry, it commences the sucking reflex, and when you add sound to it, the cry or sound produced is neh. So all babies will make this sound when they start the sucking reflex.
When a baby is tired, the yawning reflex kicks in, and with their cry, the sound owh is heard.
Wind in the upper area means the baby needs to burp, and so the muscles in the chest are trying to constrict to force the burp up, which leads to the word eh.
When the wind hasn’t been expelled via burping, it travels through the baby and becomes lower gut pain, and now they are attempting to push, to eliminate the wind – leading to an eairh sound.
If babies are too hot or cold, or their nappy is wet, their skin becomes irritated and they produce a breathy sound - heh
Basically, when a baby cries, it is telling us something… exactly what they need!
As new parents it can take many weeks or even months to really work this out through trial and error. The Dunstan Baby Language makes it so much easier! Sonja is the Australian National trainer of DBL and runs regular classes for both parents and also professionals who wish to learn the method. Nothing beats having an experienced DBL Trainer explain it to you, and to ensure that you really can interpret what your child is saying!
Being able to more often identify and meet babies requests through the DBL method, leads to a more content baby, and calmer parents – and that has to be a good thing!
Babies begin communicating with us from the moment they are born – it’s just that we may not understand what they are saying yet!
It’s interesting isn’t it that if you were going to have an extended holiday in Spain or France, you’d probably make the effort to learn even a few basic words and phrases of Spanish or French. Yet when we are pregnant not many people learn how to communicate with the ‘soon to be here’ baby!
I’ve personally seen the huge benefits parents get when they DO learn how to do this, and the spin-off benefits to their baby such as:
The Dunstan Baby Language (DBL) is the language you need to know. I am the only DBL Educator in Tasmania – if you’d like to learn DBL, please contact me for individual or group sessions. If you aren’t lucky enough to live here in beautiful Tasmania contact me anyway and I may be able to direct you to someone in your area. We are global!
Once baby has arrived and whether you have done DBL or not, there are some specific ways which young babies begin to communicate with you…
Around 5 weeks of age they begin to make eye contact and smile at you. Given that their vision is still quite blurry at this stage, they are actually responding to your voice, your smell, your gentle touch. They also begin to articulate some sounds, and babies start with the vowel sounds – eeee, ooo, aaah etc. They will love it if you respond back – you can make the same sounds, or just ‘reply’ in a soft voice with words. You’ll notice that very early babies pick up the idea of conversation ie they will ‘say’ some coo-ing to you and then stop – they are waiting for you to reply. When you do, then they will respond – pretty amazing at just a few weeks old!
Around 6-7 months babies will begin to babble ‘words’ and will generally start with either ‘b’ or ‘d’ as is ‘baba’ or ‘dada’ = at this age the ‘words’ have no meaning but are sounds which they have been able to make. B and D are the easiest two to articulate. When they have mastered them, they generally move on to ‘m’ and ‘n’ as in mama or and nana. And then around about 8-9 months of age things get exciting when they do Variegated Babbling. This is when they start to combine sounds and you may end up with something like ‘baba ma dada’.
The next step comes when they repeat ‘word’ consistently for the same person or object, so by 12 months they will usually know that the word ‘da’ belongs to Dad and ‘bo’ might refer to bottle.
What they understand (Receptive Language) is far greater than what they can actually articulate (Expressive Language). They will respond when you say: “Are your ready for your bath?’ and will show excitement – even they can’t yet respond with words.
How can help your baby to learn communication skills?
Most importantly, listen and respond! So whether they are making smiling at you, coo-ing or babbling they are telling you something and will benefit greatly when you gently respond.
Have a great week talking with you baby – they will love it!
Happy Communicating!
I had a mini-holiday recently, in a beautiful little seaside town. Daily I would walk to the beach, to absorb the sunshine and heat, as well as hear the sounds of the waves crashing, and the smell the scent of the sea and the bush surrounds.
On the beach were so many families from India, Asian, the Middle East and Anglos. There were Mums with kids, families with cousins & Grandparents, group of friends, surfers, and couples walking hand in hand.
What they all had in common, was a day of fun. There were so many smiles and the sound of laughter, and it was wonderful to participate in this event.
It made me reflect on all the amazing messages which were intentionally and unintentionally being shared with the children present.
They were messages about:
So many amazing lessons on the beach – many of them unspoken messages, but equally absorbed by the children.
We expose our child to these sort of spoken and subtle messages whichever environment they are in – be it the beach, the supermarket or movie theatre. It helps children to learn the ‘rules’ of their environments and our society, through us as parents, and by the others who use the same space.
Happy learning one and all!
When parents have two (or more) languages, they often discuss whether they should introduce them to their children. They wonder if it is confusing for their little ones to hear two languages spoken in the home environment, and may worry that it’s too difficult for their young children to learn to speak both their native language and English also. In fact the opposite is true!
Babies are born able to hear the sounds of all languages, and are able to link together the ‘like’ sounds which they hear, in their brain – eg they store Danish sounds together, and the English sounds together. Isn’t that amazing?
It’s been found that children who have two languages spoken in the home tend to be more creative and more flexible in their thinking than children with just one language!
Let’s assume two languages are spoken in the home by the parents. Ideally Mum would speak her native language to the child, and Dad would speak his language, eg Mum speaking German and Dad speaking English.
A young child will ‘recognise’ that Dad speaks one way and Mum in a different way. The child will very quickly learn that each item has two names, depending on the speaker. Eg table and ‘tafel’ or apple and ‘apfel’. When each parent uses their own language, this prevents the baby/ young child from becoming confused. This seems to be when parents fear they are overburdening their child with double the amount of words. But, by using their native language, they are assisting their child to become bilingual, which is an asset in our global, multi-cultural society, and the baby’s brain can manage this input.
When your baby begin to speak, he may mix the two languages in a sentence as he learns to correctly put the words together.
You may find that he doesn’t initially reach the milestones for language development – which are based on one language, but by about 2 ½ - 3 years of age he will be able to have regular conversations within both languages.
Children use contextual clues to identify which language to use. Eg If the child has learnt both German and English, then when a German person says: “Guten Morn” (Good morning), the child knows to speak in German, not English.
This morning over breakfast I was listening to the radio, and was aware how the different pieces impacted on me – some more upbeat, some more gentle and calming. I don’t know about you, but I play different types of music for specific moods – if I’m feeling a bit ‘flat’ I put on something like “Pink”, and if I’m feeling hassled, I put on gentle classical music, or “Enya”. We can utilise this with children too – you can use music to enhance their moods, to help ‘lift’ them when needed, or to calm them at other times.
From an early age we use lullabies to soothe our babies, and often sing them to sleep – this is true whatever your cultural background. It’s the tone of your voice, which settles them. As they get older, they like things with a stronger beat – you’ll often see toddlers bopping to a beat. Toddlers also like nursery rhymes and songs, and will join in with the words and actions. Even a 1 year old will often wave their hands in the air, to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”
Socially: Children have fun with music – to sing, to play instruments, to dance, to join in with the actions. They derive a sense of achievement in participating, which is great for their self-esteem.
Physically: Joining in with music through dance provides opportunity for Gross Motor (large muscle) development, and spatial awareness (learning ‘their’ space, and how not to bump into others). Certain musical instruments also promote fine motor co-ordination, through playing with them eg piano type instruments. Playing instruments also promotes hand-eye co-ordination, and listening skills.
Emotionally: Happiness, enjoyment and confidence building are positive emotional benefits which are enhanced through music.
Intellectually: Music helps to develop their imagination, creativity and a sense of rhyme.
Language: Learning new words, and the sequence of words are developed through singing.
When you notice young babies moving to music, comment on it and join in with them – there often much laughter and smiling!
Put on music and dance with your child – they often like to do this in front of a mirror so that they can watch themselves.
Do mood dancing – toddlers often really enjoy if you show them how to dance pretending to be happy or cranky, or sad – allowing different emotions to be explored. Also dance fast and dance slow. And children love standing on your feet, and allowing you to waltz them around the room!
Help children to develop an awareness of sound comes from you pointing out noises to babies and toddlers – ask if they can hear the clock ticking, or the postmans bike – ie alerting them to sounds and the skill of listening. This is why it’s important to have the TV off regularly, so that children can tune their ears in to more subtle sounds.
You can buy instruments, or make your own version of them – toddlers and children will enjoy joining in with this. There are many suggestions via the internet.
Babies enjoy bells, ‘soft’ maracas, tambourines, and of course – saucepans and a wooden spoon to bang on them!
Toddlers enjoy the same, plus drums, and keyboard type instruments.
The Maths and music centres in the brain are close together. It’s not quite understood, but children who have lots of music in their lives tend to do better in Maths subjects at school than those who don’t. So, put on the music and sing and dance!
Remember, that music belongs to everyone, and that enthusiasm is more important than ability!