I recently had a trip overseas to see my family in Denmark. While I was there, I was away from the busy-ness of my daily life and so had more time to relax and think.
Flying gives me great pleasure – I get excited just like a child – the thrill of taxiing down the runway, and the glee when the plane lifts and soars above the ground – I sit there, almost grinning like the Cheshire Cat in ‘Alice in Wonderful’.
The next day I’m lying on the grass in my sister, Anita’s backyard, in the sunshine with my niece, gazing through the dappled light of the giant tree at the moving clouds. I felt grateful and blessed to be there, for Cecilie’s company (I only see her every 4-5 years), for the sun when it was mid-winter back home in Tasmania, for being able to laze about instead of working, for the fact I had enough money to take such a trip, and for the joy of being with family again – so many things to be grateful for!
I believe that in every day there are things to be grateful for, and that it’s important to notice them.
What happens when we notice and appreciate these little things, is that we become better at noticing even more of them. Gratitude is a bit like a muscle – the more we use it (noticing and appreciating things) the stronger it gets, and our capacity to see more grows. The same happens when we focus on what’s wrong - we become better at finding more problems or issues – we’ve exercised our ‘problems’ muscle! I know which one I’d rather be stronger in!
Does this mean that we never experience problems – of course not! We will still have things like a child who has just spilt a litre of milk on the floor, or it starts raining when the washing is out, or that you get a big phone bill. These experiences are called ‘life’ and we all go through it, as your children will. When these things happen (the milk, the rain, the bill) we can either dwell on the problem by ranting or yelling or complaining, or we can choose to work on solving the problem instead, with an attitude of ‘what can I do to make this better’. It switches the whole focus from problem to solution! In the heat of the moment it may not feel like there’s anything to be grateful for, but on reflection… maybe you can see that the toddler is learning to pour better, and that the rain is helping the flowers to grow, and that the phone bill means you have lots of friends to talk with! How we choose to see our world is up to us!
Have you ever used a Gratitude Jar? Take a large glass jar and put a label “Gratitude Jar 2014” on it. Each night before bed on a small piece on paper, write down at least one thing you are grateful for, fold it up and place it in the jar. Do this every night. You’ll soon see that there are many things to be grateful for in your life. Yes, even when you are going through times. When I had breast cancer 5 years ago, it was a really had time, with surgery, chemotherapy, radiation etc. Yet, there were still so many things to be grateful for: the skill of the doctors, the caring nurses, the drugs available now, the family who supported me, the flowers I received, the sun shine, the food prepared, the wind in my hair - oh no, I didn’t have that! – so it was laughter instead – soooo much to be grateful for!
What would you put in your Gratitude Jar today? – thanks for the sunshine; my smiling children, my sleeping baby, the food I’m preparing for lunch, the fact I can pay my phone bill, I have warm clothes for my toddler, the feel of clean sheets or freshly brushed teeth, the taste of strawberries, the perfume my mother wears, the memory of my Grandpa etc etc
What an important gift to share with your children – to look at the world with thanks!
Happy (grateful) parenting!
Did you know, that when a baby is born, his brain is ½ the size of an adult brain? By the time he is 3 years old, his brain has grown to 80% size of an adult brain. This is incredible growth, in just 3 years.
How does the brain work, and how can we foster this development?
Within the brain are billions of nerve cells, known as neurons. The neurons have to connect with other brain cells in order to work. Some of these connections are present from birth – for example, the ability to breathe, to suck, to cry, and others occur as the baby grows and develops. The connections occur when experiences or skills are repeated over and over.
For example you don’t learn how to fly a plane with just one lesson – you need multiple opportunities to practise in order to be competent. Babies are the same - in order to learn to walk, or stack blocks or feed themselves – it doesn’t happen with just one instruction from us. This is why a young baby will drop toys (or food!) over the high chair repeatedly. Parents often think that the child doesn’t want the object. What the baby is learning, is when I drop this book, it goes bang, and when I do it again, it still goes bang. When I drop the orange it rolls away, sometimes it rolls left, sometimes right… they are looking to make the connection (in their brain) between action and response. Once they’ve dropped the book often enough, then they no longer need to do it, because they know it will go bang.
Whilst our skulls are hard, the brain within is fragile, and like glass, it can be easily damaged. This is why we need to ensure proper care of the brain, especially in the early months, when baby’s neck muscles are not yet strong, and they struggle to hold up that heavy head. Babies should never be shaken, as their fragile brain bangs against the inside of the skull and can lead to death or serious permanent damage of the brain and it’s function.
We also need to protect babies and children’s brains, by ensuring that they are securely placed in car seats, and later, wear helmets whilst bicycling.
Brain development is also fostered by diet. In order for those connections (known as synapses) to be strong in the brain, they need a protective coating of myelin. The myelin coating enables the brain cells to function more efficiently. Myelin occurs naturally in breast milk, and is added to formula milk. For this reason, formula milk should always be made up according to the directions (not diluted), to ensure the baby receives the correct amount of myelin.
Another thing which fosters healthy brain development, is to limit screen time. It is well documented, that TV, because of the fast moving images, affects the developing neural pathways. When these babies grow, they seem to require constant activity as they’ve grown to see this activity as the norm. Many Paediatric services now recommend no screen time before the age of 2 years of age, and less than 2hrs per day for ages 2+, due to the effects on the developing brain. I hear your shock…. what will I do with them? Think back to your childhood – more walks in the park, or playing in the backyard, digging in the garden, cooking with Grandma, craft work, collecting leaves and snails etc.
It does make you wonder, doesn’t it, with the huge increase in children on medication for ADHD, the children who have poor social skills and the children who have no impulse control, which we’ve seen increase dramatically over the past 20 years, since we have had more screens in the household – be they TV, DVD, computer, X-box etc – makes you wonder….
Being a parent is a huge responsibility, which includes, as far as possible, doing everything we can do to nurture that precious developing brain.
Happy Parenting!
Music for babies begins when you first coo to them, or when you are rocking them to sleep whilst humming, or singing a quiet, gentle lullaby. Babies have even heard your music in utereo, including the ‘music’ of your beating heart!
Parents often sing little songs or rhymes to them whilst changing their nappy or bathing them – reciting ‘This little piggy went to market’ or entertaining a young child with ‘Round and round the garden’, on their hand. Music is such a great connecting mechanism between the parent and child. Music provides comfort, familiarity, physical closeness, anticipation and often laughter.
There are four components to music: singing, listening, dancing and playing.
Here’s how you can help your child to learn….
Singing: Sing lullabies eg ‘Rock-a Bye Baby’ or ‘Mockingbird’ and nursery rhymes such as ‘Twinkle, Twinkle little Star’, or ‘Baa, Baa, Black Sheep’. Include the actions, and even young babies will start to really watch your movements and your excitement, and will soon join in for some of the actions, and maybe part of the words. Toddlers love songs such as ‘Old MacDonald’ where they play an active role in choosing the next animal, and joining in for the chorus.
Listening: This is such an important skill to teach our children. Children may hear you, but may not always listen! We start to teach our babies to listen by using our voice expressively when we greet them, or are talking with them. We give them rattles to shake, and bells which ring. Often we have music in the house and children get to hear what is playing. Take care that the volume is not too loud for them. We also encourage listening by sometimes having both the TV and the music off, and then pointing out the sound of the birds chirping outside, or the distant sound of the postmans’ bike approaching. This really encourages the child to tune in to the sound(s).
When you play music, play a variety…. It can be anything from children’s music to Mozart! By listening to different styles children get to hear the instruments, rhythms and beat.
Read books with rhyming verse and repeated phrases as it encourages participation with it’s rhythm.
Dancing: I remember clearly as a 6 year old, standing on my Daddy’s feet, while he ‘danced’ me around the room, while he sang "You are my sunshine" – such a beautiful memory. Dance with your children, both by holding them on your hip as a baby or toddler, or on your feet with older children. Later dance along side with them, and show them some of your best moves! Have fun doing this – you are creating memories. Let the child choose which music they’d like to play, and what type of dancing is going to be best here.
Playing: Playing musical instruments is such fun! It’s great to have ‘proper’ ones, but you can start off by making simple musical instruments yourself. Fill empty, clean plastic take-away containers with a variety of items – dried beans in one, raw rice in another, cotton tips in another one. Place the lids on and use strong tape to seal them (small items can be a choking hazard). Show your child how to shake them and talk about the loud and soft sounds. Two empty cardboard rolls (from lunchwrap) can be used as tapping sticks, and a wooden spoon and empty plastic container upside-down makes a great drum! You can also use a metal saucepan - but this is only recommended if you can cope with the volume! Sing songs with your child, and play along on the instruments you created together.
Happy musical parenting!
Stress is a part of our lives. We have positive stress – eg we have many things which must be completed today. The stress of that can give us the energy to not procrastinate, but to drive us to action, to complete the task. Negative stress can be when things happen which are out of our control, and we feel stuck or unable to deal with the effects.
We don’t like to think that our small children can experience stress, but they experience life as we do. A little stress, like having to wait for something is okay – it can teach them patience (eg to wait their turn) or to understand time and sequence (eg after the toys are away we’ll go outside), and that’s a good thing. Even the stress of seeing Mum and Dad angry once or twice (as long as there is no violence involved) is okay, particularly if they see that they make up and life continues as normal – this can help to show that conflict can be resolved. On-going major stress is not okay for children, and can cause later problems for that child in different ways. This article is about the daily stresses – which are different ones for everyone!
So what does stress look like in children?
Emotion Coaching (as taught in the '123 Magic and Emotion Coaching' course for parents) is very useful. You don’t always need to fix the problem, but we all desire to be heard! You do this by stating their emotions eg ‘I can see you’re really angry about this’ or ‘ You’re sad because you left your teddy at Grandmas house’ these statements validate the child and their emotions.
What may cause stress in children?
Note, that not all children experience stress because of these factors, and some children are more sensitive than others and so require different levels of support.
Children need our help when they are stressed, as they haven’t yet developed the emotional capacity to deal with disappointment, anger, sadness, frustration etc – we are their regulators. They need our gentle support. If you are also stressed due to a certain situation, then ask a grandparent or trusted friend to support you child.
Remember: Calm and consistent is the key!
Happy Parenting!
I had a mini-holiday recently, in a beautiful little seaside town. Daily I would walk to the beach, to absorb the sunshine and heat, as well as hear the sounds of the waves crashing, and the smell the scent of the sea and the bush surrounds.
On the beach were so many families from India, Asian, the Middle East and Anglos. There were Mums with kids, families with cousins & Grandparents, group of friends, surfers, and couples walking hand in hand.
What they all had in common, was a day of fun. There were so many smiles and the sound of laughter, and it was wonderful to participate in this event.
It made me reflect on all the amazing messages which were intentionally and unintentionally being shared with the children present.
They were messages about:
So many amazing lessons on the beach – many of them unspoken messages, but equally absorbed by the children.
We expose our child to these sort of spoken and subtle messages whichever environment they are in – be it the beach, the supermarket or movie theatre. It helps children to learn the ‘rules’ of their environments and our society, through us as parents, and by the others who use the same space.
Happy learning one and all!
When parents have two (or more) languages, they often discuss whether they should introduce them to their children. They wonder if it is confusing for their little ones to hear two languages spoken in the home environment, and may worry that it’s too difficult for their young children to learn to speak both their native language and English also. In fact the opposite is true!
Babies are born able to hear the sounds of all languages, and are able to link together the ‘like’ sounds which they hear, in their brain – eg they store Danish sounds together, and the English sounds together. Isn’t that amazing?
It’s been found that children who have two languages spoken in the home tend to be more creative and more flexible in their thinking than children with just one language!
Let’s assume two languages are spoken in the home by the parents. Ideally Mum would speak her native language to the child, and Dad would speak his language, eg Mum speaking German and Dad speaking English.
A young child will ‘recognise’ that Dad speaks one way and Mum in a different way. The child will very quickly learn that each item has two names, depending on the speaker. Eg table and ‘tafel’ or apple and ‘apfel’. When each parent uses their own language, this prevents the baby/ young child from becoming confused. This seems to be when parents fear they are overburdening their child with double the amount of words. But, by using their native language, they are assisting their child to become bilingual, which is an asset in our global, multi-cultural society, and the baby’s brain can manage this input.
When your baby begin to speak, he may mix the two languages in a sentence as he learns to correctly put the words together.
You may find that he doesn’t initially reach the milestones for language development – which are based on one language, but by about 2 ½ - 3 years of age he will be able to have regular conversations within both languages.
Children use contextual clues to identify which language to use. Eg If the child has learnt both German and English, then when a German person says: “Guten Morn” (Good morning), the child knows to speak in German, not English.
This morning over breakfast I was listening to the radio, and was aware how the different pieces impacted on me – some more upbeat, some more gentle and calming. I don’t know about you, but I play different types of music for specific moods – if I’m feeling a bit ‘flat’ I put on something like “Pink”, and if I’m feeling hassled, I put on gentle classical music, or “Enya”. We can utilise this with children too – you can use music to enhance their moods, to help ‘lift’ them when needed, or to calm them at other times.
From an early age we use lullabies to soothe our babies, and often sing them to sleep – this is true whatever your cultural background. It’s the tone of your voice, which settles them. As they get older, they like things with a stronger beat – you’ll often see toddlers bopping to a beat. Toddlers also like nursery rhymes and songs, and will join in with the words and actions. Even a 1 year old will often wave their hands in the air, to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”
Socially: Children have fun with music – to sing, to play instruments, to dance, to join in with the actions. They derive a sense of achievement in participating, which is great for their self-esteem.
Physically: Joining in with music through dance provides opportunity for Gross Motor (large muscle) development, and spatial awareness (learning ‘their’ space, and how not to bump into others). Certain musical instruments also promote fine motor co-ordination, through playing with them eg piano type instruments. Playing instruments also promotes hand-eye co-ordination, and listening skills.
Emotionally: Happiness, enjoyment and confidence building are positive emotional benefits which are enhanced through music.
Intellectually: Music helps to develop their imagination, creativity and a sense of rhyme.
Language: Learning new words, and the sequence of words are developed through singing.
When you notice young babies moving to music, comment on it and join in with them – there often much laughter and smiling!
Put on music and dance with your child – they often like to do this in front of a mirror so that they can watch themselves.
Do mood dancing – toddlers often really enjoy if you show them how to dance pretending to be happy or cranky, or sad – allowing different emotions to be explored. Also dance fast and dance slow. And children love standing on your feet, and allowing you to waltz them around the room!
Help children to develop an awareness of sound comes from you pointing out noises to babies and toddlers – ask if they can hear the clock ticking, or the postmans bike – ie alerting them to sounds and the skill of listening. This is why it’s important to have the TV off regularly, so that children can tune their ears in to more subtle sounds.
You can buy instruments, or make your own version of them – toddlers and children will enjoy joining in with this. There are many suggestions via the internet.
Babies enjoy bells, ‘soft’ maracas, tambourines, and of course – saucepans and a wooden spoon to bang on them!
Toddlers enjoy the same, plus drums, and keyboard type instruments.
The Maths and music centres in the brain are close together. It’s not quite understood, but children who have lots of music in their lives tend to do better in Maths subjects at school than those who don’t. So, put on the music and sing and dance!
Remember, that music belongs to everyone, and that enthusiasm is more important than ability!
Play is children’s ‘work’. When children are playing, they are learning valuable information. This poem summarises it:
The Value of Play
Play is fun.
Play comes from within. Children love to play.
Play is an important part of healthy development.
Play is enjoyable and doesn’t need careful planning, or an end result.
Play means active involvement, not just watching.
During play, the child sets the rules, and there is no right or wrong way to play.
During play children practise physical skills and learn about their bodies.
They learn to use their imagination.
They learn about their own feelings and the feelings of others.
They learn about the world around them using all five senses.
Play is the work of children!
Through play children learn:
To explore materials
To be creative
To use language
To share (maybe!)
To make decisions
To test possibilities
To estimate
To concentrate
and so much more!
Children need the time to explore through play - by playing alone, with other children, and with you. Each of these relationships are important!
In the first 12 months, play involves rattles and listening to your voice; watching you move about the room, or the dog running in the garden; playing with their toes. Babies like to bang wooden spoons on saucepans, and to pull things out of the laundry basket (clean or not!), and to play peek-a-boo!
From 1 -2 years, toddlers like to play with dolls or teddies, and to help you make the bed, to play in sand or water, with empty containers. They love to stack objects and to open and close drawers and doors, and to climb in and out of cardboard grocery boxes. Toddlers love playing chasings, drawing with crayons and collecting stones or sticks when out walking.
At 2 -3 years, children often like messy play with sand and water, or shaving cream spread on a table. They love to walk , run and climb, and to join in when you wash the car or cook a cake. Toddlers like pasting objects onto paper and taking them off again, to play dress-ups with your clothes and shoes, and to sort out cars and animal toys into different boxes.
3-4 year olds like pretend play – to be a shopkeeper, a doctor or a mechanic. They like to help you water the garden and wash the dishes. They often like to paint and to see that you display their artwork. Young children like to jump and to throw and catch a ball. They can learn to use scissors and to make paper chains or to thread beads onto string. They like to 'read' you the story from the book, and to talk a lot!
You’ll notice that many of the activities listed don’t involve expensive toys – most are with items you have around the house, and having your participation is what children really want! It's pretty easy to include children in the jobs you have to do around the home - washing, cleaning, cooking, hanging clothes out on the line, or weeding the garden - give them a small task to do and praise them as they attempt to do it..... just watch them swell with pride!
If you can make time (even small amounts) to play with your children every day, not only with they be learning skills and developing, they are also forming a positive relationship with the most important person in their world – You! When playing with young children, let them 'lead' the play ie ask them what they'd like you to do with the building blocks, or what they'd like you to draw with the crayons. This teaches them that there are some things which they can choose and control, and at other times Mum or Dad chooses.
Remember play is about fun and learning - smile, laugh, show and embrace this experience together....
Happy Playing!
Many of you will have heard this term before, in relation to opportunities which come our way. The idea being to grab the chance to do ‘xyz’ now, because the opportunity is only available for a short time.
Did you know that there are windows of opportunity in relation to children and their development?
For babies and young children this is when it is optimal for learning to occur in a certain developmental domain, because the conditions are ripe for learning. It means there is a time when it is easier to learn or develop that area. Let me give you an example using animals.
Whilst researching this using young birds, a patch was applied to one eye by scientists, thereby preventing that eye from ‘learning’ to see. It was left there for some weeks. When the patch was removed the still healthy eye was unable to see, as the neural pathway in the brain had not developed, and the bird was effectively blind in that eye. The time for learning or developing that skill had passed. (I add here I am not in favour of animal testing!)
In developing children there are optimal times for learning in the various developmental areas. If learning doesn’t occur during that time and a strong neural connection made in the brain, then it is much more difficult to learn later. If you imagine nature opens a window in the brain and allows air in (‘air’ here means learning), for a certain period. And then nature closes it or lowers it – it is more difficult for the air (learning) to happen.
So, when are these Windows of Opportunity open and how will you know?
The easiest way is by observing your baby or toddler. A newborn baby looks intently in your eyes, and also stares at high contrasting objects – this tell you the ‘window’ for Vision is open. Their brain is building neural pathways around vision. You can assist their learning by placing interesting objects close by (remembering that newborns can only see clearly for a distance of about 30cm for the first month).
Have you noticed that babies around 15 months are intrigued by opening and closing doors and drawers. This is because their Intellect is developing and they are gaining valuable brain learning about these concepts. They develop the skills quickly when the time is ripe for learning - and the ‘window’ is open.
And what about when your toddler starts climbing….. They seem to climb on, and onto anything – whether it’s stairs, chairs and even tables. They are so proud of themselves! And, they have no idea of our concerns as parents about their safety. Lots of climbing tell you that ‘window’ of Motor development is open.
Language is another – children seem to all of a sudden exploded with language – the number of words they use and the length of their sentences. Young children learn a 2nd language ‘easier’ than adults, as their ‘window of opportunity’ for Language is open, whereas by puberty it’s closed – which is why it is generally harder to learn a new language as an adult.
So, take the opportunity as you notice what your child is doing…. If they are climbing a lot, provide them with safe climbing options. If language is blossoming, then read and sing with them, teach them nursery rhymes, and utilise the time.
When the ‘windows’ are open it’s the best time for learning to occur. This is also why I encourage parents to seek support early if there are any questions about their child’s development. If their language is not developing, then the earlier you seek support the better, as the ‘window’ is still open – provided you get the support at that time.
Happy Parenting!
We all know that children need food, clothing and shelter to 'survive', but besides the basic needs, how do we truly grow them into curious, strong, resilient children?
When your baby cries, s/he is telling you something – eg I'm hungry, I'm tired, I've have wind. As parents our response determines what message the child gets. For example if the baby cries because they are hungry, and you feed them, they learn that you will give them what they need. As you consistently do this, they learn that they can trust you to continue to meet their needs, and this is called building Secure Attachment. When you do this, it also creates new ways of understanding for the baby in his/her brain, ie new brain cells (known as neurons) are formed.
Consider a baby whose parent(s) don't consistently respond to their baby's cries for food. The parent may not be responding for many reasons – mental health issues, drug or alcohol issues, for example. This baby gets the message that I can't trust that people help to meet my needs. They learn that the world is unsafe and unreliable and they don't develop the neural pathways around trust.
I stress here that I'm not talking about the few times where you didn't immediately respond to the baby because you were feeding a toddler, or you were in the bathroom – I'm talking about consistently not attending to the child.
There are many ways you can respond to your child. We can group them together into 5 main categories, and children benefit from all of these parenting behaviours:
As parents we need to operate using all of these behaviours, using what is most needed now. Be aware of your individual strengths in these areas, and also which ones you might need a bit more practice at. Sometimes you can be lucky and between the two parents have a complete set!, or you can encourage each other to continue to grow in your parenting journey.
Happy Parenting!